� Melanie Joy Kimmel �

december randomness
hm, what can i say. i'm a single working 23 year old who has yet to decide what she wants out of life and continuely making poor choices.

i decided i wanted to be responisble, so i purchased a house. i have the daily reminder of what a poor idea that was when i have to force myself awake to go to the same job i've held for the past 6 + years. it's not that i hate what i'm doing, i just don't love it. i would like more freedom and flexibilty.
i also do not expect a man to come along and "save me" from my situation. they usually go as fast as they came and i get upset for the distraction has set me back a bit and i have to get caught up on life. at this point, working 65 + hours a week i don't find myself with the time to seriously become involved with anyone. nor do i have the desire to chase them and question them for fear of them cheating on me.

when life is boring i ask for it to be exciting, when it becomes exciting, i want it to be boring again. i want freedom to travel. i hate debt. so my idea of living off credit cards for 6 months while traveling in europe is not the best planned out idea. or maybe i just wont do it because of my fear... i dont know. i get so comforatble. i become afraid to try new things. i like change... but just when i have a plan to change it and it actually goes along with my plan.

work change however.. thats a entirely different thing. my emotions aren't involved in the mess and if the change fails, oh well, at least you tried it. no harm done. just do it again. i can not seem to however react the same way when dealing with my own heart strings. many days i believe i will die old and lonely with my dog... well dasiy might not live that long.. but i will probably have another one by then.
ok if i didn't just comepletely depress myself with this...
i must go back to labor another 5 hours... and then ill start slinging some milk... :o)